The Far Side of Perfect: Fear does not equal fun!

When did we become a society of daredevils? I must have missed the memo on that one. Because, despite my belief that “she who has the most fun wins;” I can’t think of a single situation where believing that I could possibly die, or maim myself in some horrendously bloody, Grey’s Anatomy “very special episode” sort of way, could ever be confused with fun. In my world, “fun” and “fear” are two diametrically opposed concepts.

Yet, I seem to be in the minority. This is something I never really noticed until I re-entered the dating scene. In the old days, we might meet a date at a bar, take in a movie, or go see a band. But, today, it seems that dating has evolved into a series of mini-Survivor episodes, where I’m being voted off the singles’ island because I don’t scuba, ski or skydive.

Now, I admit that I’m not the most outdoorsy type and prefer tennis whites to camouflage, and golf shoes to hiking boots. But, what’s up with wanting me to play paintball? Using me for target practice this early in a relationship is one red flag that even I couldn’t miss. Speaking of red flags, thanks for the invite, but really, I have no deep-rooted desire to watch you run with the bulls in Pamplona.

Sea kayaking? White-water rafting? Pass. An early attempt to ride some rapids had me literally up a raging creek without a paddle, or raft, for that matter. Rock climbing? Not in this lifetime. Fear of heights, as well as the thought of someone staring at my backside the whole time. Horseback riding? Sadly, no. My last leisurely trail ride ended up as an audition for “Seabiscuit,” when my horse decided he was just plain tired of looking at the other horses' backsides. So, how about that ride on the back of your brand new motorcycle? Sorry, I’m not risking my life for someone else’s midlife crisis.

Generally, my refusals garner responses like: “Hey Babe, you need to lighten up and relax more.” Sure thing, … right after you explain to me how any of those activities are relaxing.

Yet, it’s not just the boys. It seems that most of my girlfriends spend their vacations taking flying lessons, camping (i.e., not staying in a lodge with indoor plumbing), or cycling across Europe. Even downhill skiing is not enough anymore. Now they need to be dropped out of helicopters somewhere in the middle of Canada with nothing but an energy bar and an iPhone.

Not that I haven’t had my own share of adventures. I fly coach class, frequently drive in Boston traffic, and even hold up the line as I attempt to order a “small, regular coffee” in Starbucks. The difference is that putting myself in personal danger is not actually the point of these activities.

Still, sometimes adventures sneak up on you. Like on my last vacation, where I conquered my fear of fish just long enough to take my son snorkeling. While I was assured that it was all perfectly safe for him, it was clear that they didn’t realize that I was the one mentally unprepared to swim alongside a five-foot shark and his barracuda buddy.

As I recovered at the bar over a Pina Colada, I realized that maybe I’m living in the wrong decade. Perhaps I really am a 1980s kind of gal. After all, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain. I’m not into yoga; I am into champagne ... Yes. Rupert Holmes had it right, because that sounds much more like my type of escape (or vacation, for that matter).

Reprinted courtesy of The Cohasset Mariner.

Comments

[Susan Hammond]

Diane,

I'm right there with you. I'll take a nice spa-like hotel any day over adventure vacations. Day-to-day living is enough of an adventure.

[Ann M.]

I have also ordered a "small regular coffee" at Starbucks, just to be contrary to their menu. I don't want a "Tall" coffee!

[Diane Danielson]

Susan - I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one. I agree - what doesn't say "vacation" more than room service and a massage?????! And Ann - so very brave of you. I do it just to hear them correct me.

Diane

[Fran]

hahahaha! What a great article! I feel the exact same way! Daredevil...I am NOT!

[Diane K. Danielson]

I just had another thought on this. I'm reading the book The Geography of Bliss and the one thing the author is finding in common with the people in so-called "happy places" in the world is that they are fairly boring and lead safe boring lives (i.e. the Swiss, Bhuttanese, etc.). I'm wondering if there is some connection between daredevils not being content with their situation? I'm sure there are natural daredevils (I can tell that from just watching my son's class at recess), but I wonder if there's some sort of connection.

[dadshouse]

I'm a 40-something single dad, and I agree with you. Loved this line from your post: "But, today, it seems that dating has evolved into a series of mini-Survivor episodes, where I’m being voted off the singles’ island because I don’t scuba, ski or skydive." Too funny. And too true!

The daredevil infatuation reminds me of the movie Bucket List. I didn't see it, and have no desire to.

Sometime's there's value in simply looking within. Not for a date, I'm talking introspection and self awareness as an alternative to chasing after the next adrenaline high or daredevil fix.