Raise Rules for Women

I love reading books that capture my attention right from the first paragraph.  "Raise Rules for Women," by Laura C. Browne and Jill L. Ferguson, is just such a book.  The authors quote a Harvard Business School Report from the International Women's Forum Survey, "Both men and women leaders pay their subordinates roughly $12,000 less than their male subordinates with similar positions and titles."  Why is this?  Women don't ask for raises!

Traditionally women have been taught to not draw attention to themselves or their work.  When they do, they're labeled aggressive or worse.  When a man talks about his accomplishments, no one blinks an eye.

This book lists 7 rules for getting a raise.  For each rule, the authors explain why women may not understand the rules and therefore don't act this way.  The information is presented matter-of-factly and without judgment, which I found very refreshing.  I grew up in the era of Gloria Steinem, when feminists were quite militant about everything.  I much prefer today's view that men and women are different; this isn't good and it isn't bad, it just is.  This approach is much more of a win-win one, since no judgments are made on what is 'good' and what is 'bad.'

The authors also provide concrete tips for succeeding with each rule.  I particularly like their admonishment, "think what a successful man would do in this situation." 

My 3 favorite rules from the book are:

1.  Rule #1; It's Business; It's not Personal.

Women tend to take everything personally, even in business.  Men, on the other hand, view business  as a game.  Their advice is short and sweet, "get over it and move on."  Men seem particularly suited to have a heated discussion with someone one minute and the next minute, they're going out for drinks after work, being the best of buddies.

2.  Rule #5: Ask for What you Want.

Sub rule #5: There are always exceptions to the rules.  You never know this until you ask. You have nothing to lose.

Some good tips from this section are:

• You must be very clear in what you ask and present a business case for why you're asking for that raise.  It helps to think of asking for a raise as another business problem to be solved, not a popularity contest.
• You must be comfortable saying what you need.  If you're not, practice!
• State your case and then stop talking!  Silence can be a very powerful negotiating tool.
• Ask open ended questions about any objections that are raised.

3.  Rule #7:  No doesn't mean no forever, it means no for right now.

Women tend to be more afraid of rejection, getting back to Rule #1:  It's Business; It's not Personal.  Men, on the other hand, view "no" as a challenge.  They see it as another part of the game, they don't view it as rejection, it's an obstacle to be overcome.

Listen to what your boss is saying.  Is he saying "no, not right now?"  Is he saying, "no, your performance doesn't warrant a raise?"  It could also be your boss is having a bad day, and it's nothing to do with you.

Anticipate the "no" scenarios and have a plan for addressing them.  For example, if the response is "you're at the top of the pay scale for your position."  You might come back with all the responsibilities you have, the results you've achieved and be able to build a case for a promotion, or a different job title.  The key here is advance planning.

I highly recommend this book to anyone wanting practical and effective advice on how to ask for a raise.  This book is a good primer for anyone needing negotiation tips.

If you'd like to learn more about this topic, join Laura Browne on 9/24/08 for the DWC teleclass on "How to Ask for a Raise and Other Perks at Work."  Click here for more information and to register.  DWC Plus members can listen in for free; all others can participate for $29.99. 

Nancy Loderick
Dish Editor and VP, Network Partners
DowntownWomensClub.com

Comments

[jill L. Ferguson]

Thank you for really capturing the essence of our book.

[Nancy Loderick]

Jill, you are quite welcome. This book was a pleasure to read, and thus the review was a pleasure to write.

Later this fall, I'm giving a career talk to group of college students at my alma mater and I will definitely bring up this topic! I've heard over and over again that young women today think everything is equal now and they don't have to worry about discrimination. They need to be armed with information and concrete advice on how to navigate the business world.

[Kathleen Kingsbury]

Nancy,

What a great book and I can not wait to read it!

Being a money coach, women come to me with this issue all the time.

Thanks for the recommendation and for booking a DWC teleconference. I can not wait to attend.

Kathleen

[Nancy Loderick]

Kathleen, thanks for your comments. We're looking forward to having you participate in the 9/24 DWC teleclass.

[Laura Browne]

Hi Kathleen,
I agree that many women have issues around money. What are the key issues that you hear about women and money/salaries?
Laura Browne

[Kathleen Kingsbury]

Laura,

Great question. Let me try to be brief with my observations.

Many of the women I work with fear that if they look at their finanical situation, they will be overwhelmed and unhappy. The old ignorance is bliss idea. But what I find is that they are much happier and less worried when they know their financial situation and have a plan (I refer this part out to my fav financial advisors) for achieving their goals. This allows them to focus less on money and more on what they want in their life. See money is a tool and I dare to say that men are better at knowing it is just business, or it is just asking for more, whereas women are so relationship oriented that they fear upsetting someone or not being liked by someone.

I guess it boils down to what Jean Chatsky would call "Money Confidence" and I would call centsability. It is important to have the skills, the knowledge and the insight into your relationship with money in order to ask for what you are worth and take care of yourself from a wealth perspective. The excuses that we have are many but it all comes back to do we feel worth asking for money, getting paid money and being successful.

I will continue my musing in my next blog...stay tune.

Welcome all thoughts....Kathleen