A Waisted Opportunity at the Mass Conference for Women

Are they really talking about Oprah's weight gain at the Massachusetts Conference for Women? I put down my fork, looked at my colleagues and realized that yes they were! The keynote panel which included many powerful and knowledgeable business women such as Leslie Stahl of 60 Minutes were actually spending their time chatting about Oprah's weight. Why? Did they know the impact on the women in the room? Did they think about the hundreds of girls who were part of the special young women's track? This is EXACTLY what we should not be talking about as women if we want to be seen as professional, self assured and worthy of getting paid the same dollar a man.

Yes, the keynote speakers are victims of our society that tells women we need to look good, be thin - at any cost - to be seen as credible and worthy of other's respect. They all were mature so maybe it was the generation that they were raised in. Or maybe they too struggle with body image and did not realize that using this time to discuss Oprah's dress size was an injustice to the mission of a women's conference. Whatever it was, it made me angry, then sad, then angry again. And when I get angry I take action!

So what does this have to do with money and chicks making "cents"? Everything. Women spend billions of dollars on cosmetic surgery, beauty products and clothes. As a group we don't invest in our retirement funds or spend time with other women discussing how to be financially savvy. We spend our time buying material possessions, driving up our credit card balances and hoping that some man will make it all better. Yes, the Cinderella Syndrome is alive and well.

What can we do about it? A lot! Here are some of ideas on how you can take action and not accept the status quo.

1. Write a letter to the Massachusetts Conference for Women. If you were at the conference (or not) and were upset that the keynote presenters were talking about Oprah's waistline instead of how we can learn from each other and support each other to be the best we can be as individuals and professionals, get busy writing. Using our voice, individually and collectively, can and has made a BIG difference. We have gained the right to vote, the right to make choices about our bodies and the right to run for (and almost get) elected President.

2. Stop talking about Oprah's weight. She is an accomplished business woman and a caring individual. Do not fuel the fire for I truly believe she struggles to accept her genetics, which do not fit the beauty ideal of this country. Look at her impact on the world when she is not weight focused. Imagine what we all could do if we spent our energy on pursuits unrelated to our dress size. Maybe we could even make more than 76 cents to every man's dollar.

3. Watch America the Beautiful: This is a great documentary about the cost of beauty in our country and exposes the absurdity of our quest to look good at any cost. Go see it when it comes to your town. Take it one step further and invite the director to your women's group or organization and sponsor a showing of the movie.

We can make a difference. Let's not let another opportunity like the Massachusetts Conference for Women be a waisted" one.

Comments

[Nancy Smeltzer]

All points well stated. Enough about dress sizes and more about the sizes of our portfolio and our salaries. We have so much to learn from each other. It's too bad we miss so many of the good opportunities to focus on the triva.

[Diane K. Danielson]

Kathleen - Thanks for a great post today. We were asked to promote the conference, and this is incredibly disappointing to hear. I appreciate you pointing this out. We will bring this up with them before agreeing to promote the event in the future.

One could contrast the California Women's Conference where I don't recall a woman's weight being a topic of discussion - http://www.californiawomen.org/

Diane

[Lisa Brown]

I agree that the discussion of Oprah's weight was not exactly what I had in mind for a keynote discussion. However, I was impressed by the women in general - having accomplished so much in male-dominated fields and having the guts to start a web venture for older women. They told some great stories and despite some awkward moments/comments, I loved that Liz Smith is 85 and still has an incredible fire inside of her.

The Oprah discussion was definitely inappropriate and the keynote could have been better, but overall I thought the conference had some fabulous sessions, speakers, vendors, and attendees and found the day to be inspiring.

[Laura]

Excellent point Diane. I was especially disturbed by one particular comment on the subject. I believe it was Leslie Stahl who stated something to the effect that we don't have control over what our wait is. I thought that was very irresponsible. Yes, I agree that some people are just prone to be overweight. However, I firmly believe that the vast majority of people do have control and either choose not to or don't understand their inner demons enough to know why it is that they over eat. Our country is in an obesity epidemic that we have not seen before. This is not becase we are made this way. It is because of the processed, high fat foods that are ubiquitous in our country and the portions we choose to eat.

[Laura]

Whoops. Meant weight not wait in the last post.

[Kathleen Kingsbury]

After reading the comments so far, I think the opportunity in all of this discussion is as women we want to focus on what is inside, what we can learn from each other and how we can be healthy in the body shape and size we were given. So the next time someone turns to you at a meeting and says "Do I look fat?" or "What about Oprah's weight gain?" politely change the subject to something more substantial and more productive for both of you.

By they way, there is some truth to what Leslie Stahl said. Some people have genetics that make them predisposed to higher weights (set point weight theory) and then they experience discrimination as a result as they are seen as "not having willpower" etc. It is a complicated thing but as a licensed mental health professional with a specialty in eating disorders including binge eating disorders for over 15 year you may just have to trust me! While I no longer actively build this clincial business you can see it is a passion of mine to help out those who are too traumatized to speak for themselves.

Kathleen