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June 23, 2008

Breadwinner Mom Survey

My fabulous pal, Nataly Kogan over at www.WorkItMom.com is doing a survey of breadwinner moms.  I agree with Nataly who mentioned that she wanted to do this because the media doesn't often depict working moms accurately or focus on the breadwinners (in a positive light)! So, if you are one (i.e. single mom who makes the money; or you make more than your spouse), please take a few moments to give her some input.

They're even giving away a free Sony Reader to one entrant!

http://survey.constantcontact.com/survey/a07e2ber541fho4baq7/start

Diane K. Danielson, ceo, www.DowntownWomensClub.com

June 15, 2008

Why isn't "equal parenting" just "parenting"

Lisa Belkin of the New York Times did an interesting article about how couples are "sharing parenting."  My favorite line is highlighted below:

Deutsch has labeled the ideal “equally shared parenting,” a term the Vachons have embraced. DeGroot prefers “shared care,” because “shared parenting” is used to describe custody arrangements in a divorce, and while “equal” would be nice, it is a bar that might be too high for some families to even try to clear. Whatever you call it, the fact that it has to have a name is a most eloquent statement of both the promise and the constraints facing families today.

Why do we have to call it anything?” Amy asks.

Marc adds, “Why isn’t this just called parenting?”

I'm with Amy and Marc on this one. 

June 11, 2008

The Summertime Blues of Teen Employment

School is just about out for the summer all over the country leaving a lot of teens and their parents at lose ends.   The summer of 2008 is shaping up to be a worse employment environment for teens than last summer which was one of the worst on record. This is further exacerbated by the largest high school class to graduate in many years.  So what's a teen to do?

Sue Shellenbarger's Work & Family Column and her Work & Family Mailbox at the Wall Street Journal has provided a useful list of possible ideas and web sites for a teen to utilize in their search for work.  In case you missed it:

Websites:

Two books recommended are:

I would encourage all teens to canvas their neighbors.  Many of us in home-based businesses might just find something a teen could help us with.  A teen needs to have some understanding of what they are good at doing and also what they like to do.  And the teen needs to be reliable.  Right now I could use someone to clean all the pollen off my car and detail the inside.  Sure I could pay the local car wash but I'd rather pay a teen. Do I have any takers?

May 28, 2008

Political glass ceilings due to women still tied to glass slippers?

A new article in the Washington Post asks if we are creating our own glass ceilings when it comes to politics:

... a new report from the Brookings Institution suggests an unexpected reason for the relative paucity of women elsewhere in political office and the dearth of credible female presidential candidates: an ambition gap.

"Somewhat surprisingly," write political scientists Jennifer Lawless of Brown University and Richard Fox of Loyola Marymount, women's underrepresentation "is not because of discrimination against women candidates. In fact, women perform as well as men when they do run for office. In terms of fundraising and vote totals, the consensus among researchers is the complete absence of overt gender bias."

Rather, the "fundamental reason for women's underrepresentation is that they do not run for office. There is a substantial gender gap in political ambition; men tend to have it, and women don't."

I'm glad the writer, Ruth Marcus, spotlights the issue. My only problem with it is that she (and the study) didn't distinguish between having ambition and acting on it.

Ambition is defined as:  An eager or strong desire to achieve something, such as fame or power.  Perhaps they are correct that less women run for office because they aren't interested or don't have any ambition.  I have to admit, I haven't run for any office since law school.  However, I think that there are women out there who might have the ambition or desire, but may just be too darn tired to do anything about it.  It's the old, women are still the main family/child care givers who may have the desire or interest to run for politics but are instead stuck being Cinderella, having to get all the chores done first.  The article also notes that:

The women in the survey were far less likely to be married or have children than the men were, and those who did had their hands full: 60 percent of the women, compared with 4 percent of the men, said they were responsible for the majority of child care.

As Beloit College political scientist Georgia Duerst-Lahti put it, "Women may now think about running for office, but they probably think about it while they are making the bed." Chugging down the Mommy Track may leave little time for pursuing a third, often all-consuming career.

O.k. So now we've surveyed:

  • men, the majority of whom were married and only 4 percent have childcare responsibility, and
  • women who from what I can tell were for the most part single; and those who were married, 60% had the childcare responsiblity. 

Now to me, that seems a bit like comparing apples to oranges.  Single women who may be more transient and married women who have childcare responsibility v. married men with presumably stay at home wives.

I realize it's difficult to compare genders without making gross generalizations.  I've run into the issue myself.  Although I do prefer when they break the comparisons down to marital status/generations, etc. as that makes for better comparisons.  Regardless, I think demographics are changing as breadwinner roles change and gen Y rebels against what has been the standard culture.  Unfortunately, as more people remain single and transient in a global market, it may be of less interest to anyone to be involved in politics, especially on a local scale.      

However, I will agree with the author in that there are women out there still culturally ingrained to not want to put themselves in the spotlight. Again, it's the passive Cinderella idea.  But we need to ask ourselves and other women -- can you really break through a glass ceiling if you're wearing glass slippers?

December 17, 2007

Who's Happier? SAHMs or Working Moms

A new study just came out in London that proclaims working moms are happier than their stay at home counterparts

Working women with children are significantly happier than stay-at-home mothers, regardless of how many hours they work, a survey has said.

For men, meanwhile, life satisfaction depends on having a full-time job.

The study by the Institute for Social and Economic Research suggests non-working mothers are more satisfied with life once their children start school.

For men, the presence of children brings no increase in life satisfaction.

"Perhaps it is not surprising that fertility in Britain is declining," the report said.

There are some good debates about this latest over at Feministing and Pandagon.  As usual with these sorts of studies, there are a lot of sub-groups that probably didn't get analyzed.  For example as many of the commenters pointed out, the issue may be whether or not the person feels isolated.  Staying at home with kids day after day without a great support network is definitely not a happy experience.  Didn't Tom Perrotta write about that in Little Children?  But, on the other hand, working in a toxic environment ain't so great either.

November 21, 2007

Bring your dogs AND kids to work

Call me old and cranky, but I really don't want to work in an environment with screaming kids.  A recent Boston Globe article, "Child care bridges two worlds," written by Kathleen Burge, reports on a trend to allow parents to bring their children to work.  Some companies are going so far as to allow parents, mostly mothers, to bring their children to work as a regular thing.

Babies cry; children run around and make noise; children need attention.  This isn't good and it isn't bad; it's just life.  Children are distractions.  The workplace is not child proof either, with many sharp objects, multiple electric outlets, etc.  Workplaces are also filled with germs.

I whole-heartedly support companies having family-friendly policies that include back-up child care, subsidized day care and the like.  But I wouldn't want to work at a company that has infants crying and children running around.  I should also mention here that I don't agree with policies allowing people to bring their dogs to work.  I'm deathly afraid of dogs, having been viciously bitten by a supposedly gentle dog.

I think work should be a place of work; it's not your home.  Work and home life have blended, but what's next?  Being able to bring one's elderly parents to work?  Bringing one's pet ferret to work?  Where to companies draw the line?  And why is a parent's "right" to not miss a day of work or a dog owner's "right" to bring their dog to work more important than everyone else's "right" to work without outside distractions?

Kathleen Burge also reports that some companies are exploring other, less invasive and distracting alternatives.  Companies such as EMC feel that the workplace is too dangerous for children, between the germs and the lack of play areas.  EMC provides back-up child care and private rooms for nursing mothers.

Companies should have more flexible work policies, allowing parents to work from home if their child care falls through.  These same policies should also apply for those caregivers who are caring for elderly parents.

Nancy Loderick

November 16, 2007

Now this is my kind of soccer mom

Soccer_momThe NYTimes has a nice article about a young woman who could have let an unplanned pregnancy derail her passion and dreams.  Instead, she's back finishing college and scoring goals.  As a fellow "soccer-playing" mom, who counted on her teammates to get her through the worst parts of being an "unplanned single parent," (the kid was planned, the single part, not so much!) I salute both Brooke DeRosa and Hofstra University. One quote kind of grabbed me:

“All of a sudden, I’m not playing soccer,” she said. “Soccer is what got me to college, playing soccer is what I do. It was almost like, Who am I now? What am I good for?”

Substitute the word "working" for "playing soccer" and I think a few of us may have felt similarly during maternity leaves and other times we had to put our careers on hiatus, or even the back-burner.

November 07, 2007

Redefining success - Gen Y style

Got the heads up from The Huffington Post about a new Wellesley College survey on recent graduate expectations, which seems to be summed up by the following quote from the blog post:  To "have it all" these women are willing to sacrifice a little bit of everything.

As with all surveys of new grads, those of us who have "been there, done that" will chide them for being naive (about the economy, divorce, the ability to even find a significant other with whom to raise a child, elder-care needs, lack of daycare, etc.).  However, we didn't resolve those problems, did we?  So, who knows maybe they will.  Especially if they can convince the young men to agree with them.

Here are some tidbits from the survey:

  1. To "have it all" these women are willing to sacrifice a little bit of everything. They envision a life plan in which they combine work and family while letting go of hardcore notions of success. They no longer feel forced to choose between becoming the top honcho and PTA mom of the year.
  2. Interestingly, if money were not an issue 42 percent of the women surveyed thought they might be a stay-at-home mom at some point in their life. Money weighs heavily on this generation and staying at home is seen as a luxury, not a prescription.
  3. Even though there has been article after study after salacious news program broadcasting the difficulties women face re-entering the workforce, these young women have strong expectations about how they will be able to become mothers and careerists.
  4. These women would also be happy working part time and splitting childcare more evenly with spouses. This younger generation expects both men and women to be involved in parenting. Even without the guarantee of a top salary, most of the women expect to share childrearing and return to the labor force.
  5. This home formula may be the key to the gender revolution that stalled at the threshold of the family door. While countries such as Spain have social policies requiring men to become active dads, young U.S. women are at least discussing the possibility of househusbands or partners sharing the family responsibilities.
  6. Considering these work plans, it is not surprising that most of the young women think that parental leaves should be for six months to a year. If that were the case, then stay-at-home parenting might become a normal part of a work path rather than a terminating factor. It would also make the work/family juggle less stressful if all parents left paid work to care for their children.
  7. While these young women may be accepting of present career ladders and expect to find individual ways to move ahead, they surprisingly imagine their children cared for in public settings. The nanny solution is not theirs. While working full-time they would like to place their youngest child in an after school program. These young women do not want to patch together care giving solutions; they want a seamless approach to raising children. Young women want their communities to play a significant role in meeting the demands of raising kids and continued employment.

Click here to read the full story.

September 28, 2007

The new relationship rules for women: Don't earn more money, and do all the housework

I've been a bit out of the loop lately dealing with some issues, so in doing my catch-up of relevant stories, I found the following stories from the New York Times both interesting when read separately, but a bit disturbing when read together as they paint a grim picture of what "dating/marriage means for working women."

The first article focused on the trials and tribulations of dating men when you outearn them.  I'm actually used to hearing this from my Gen X and Boomer colleagues, but following up on studies where 20-something women are outearning their male peers in major cities like New York, it's clear that it's affecting the younger set now.

FOR Whitney Hess, a 25-year-old software designer in Manhattan, the tension that ultimately ended her recent relationships was all right there, in the digits on her pay stub.

The awkwardness started with nights out. She would want to try the latest downtown bistro, but her boyfriends, who worked in creative jobs that paid less than hers, preferred diners.

They would say, “Wow, you’re so sophisticated,” she recalled. A first look at her apartment, a smartly appointed studio in a full-service building in TriBeCa, would only reinforce the impression. “They wouldn’t want me to see their apartments,” she said, because they lived in cramped surroundings in distant quadrants of Brooklyn or the Bronx.

One of them, she said, finally just came out and said it. “Look,” Ms. Hess recalled him saying, “it makes me really uncomfortable that you make more money than me. I’m going to put that out on the table and try to get over it.”

But he never got over it, she said.

Then this week, the New York Times ran an article about the potential happiness gap between women and men when it comes to time use. 

Continue reading "The new relationship rules for women: Don't earn more money, and do all the housework" »

September 27, 2007

This one's for the moms!

Ever wondered what you would sound like if you condensed everything you say to your kids in a 24 hour period into 3 minutes (and set it to music?)

**** The below link no longer works, but visit:  http://www.viralvideochart.com/youtube/william_tell_overture?id=anSpBUxsgAU *****

Continue reading "This one's for the moms!" »

September 08, 2007

Yummy Mummies not just an Anglo phenomenon

Says Judith Warner in her NYTime Blog (sections here reprinted courtesy of the "Behind the Times" blog

A Yummy Mummy, in case you’re not familiar with the phrase, is the term used in Britain for moms (mums) who are soignée. Trim and fashionable, well-turned-out and groomed, equipped with the latest must-have bags and shoes, widely smiling, insouciant, skilled in home decoration, furniture restoration, competitive skiing, dressage, and …

Her posting goes on to say how she went back to France and found that they, too, were caught up in competitive parenting, and working women were over-extended and struggling to parent on a level that seems exclusive to well-to-do, stay-at-home a/k/a yummy mummies.

I really think it's time we all decided to bag the "yummy mummy" ideals, and acknowledge that the true parenting norm is more along the "slummy mummy" lines (to use the name of one of Britain's most popular chick lit novels, which I'm waiting for my chance to read!)

September 02, 2007

Building on-ramps is a slow process

Huffmanbabyl_450x299Whether we're talking about a public project or building on-ramps for women (and men) who take time out of the workforce, it's a slooooooooooow process.  Today's Boston Globe looks at one on-ramp program offered by Wharton/UBS to help hasten the process.  Though not boasting great success rates - 41% of the class is still looking for jobs - at least it's a start.

My suggestion -- Hey Hollywood, how about having more of your characters successfully transition back (and not as the "plot" but just as a "matter of fact.").  There was a reason Felicity Huffman's character was so great at the beginning of Desperate Housewives (before it "jumped the shark" and became beyond ridiculous).  Not all women are cut out to, or even want to stay home for more than a few years (if at all) with children/elderly parents (yes the latter pulls just as many women off the career path).  We could relate to Huffman's character ripping into the PTA, hiding in the supermarket from former colleagues, etc.  Lynette20job_2 And, when she went back to work, we rooted for her because she was good at it (after all, in an earlier life, she played a kick-ass producer on one of my all-time favorite shows, Sports Night).  And, while we're at it, how about a few stay at home or non-breadwinner dads who aren't goofs.  Again, NOT as the plot, just as a matter of fact.

Why does TV/Hollywood play a role?  Because for better or worse, viewers start accepting what they see on TV as acceptable in real life.  For example, Geena Davis playing the president.  Even though it was for a single season, it meant to some youngsters that the thought of Hillary as president isn't as outlandish as their parents might think it is.  Likewise, do we seem as surprised these days to to see female cops or women in other positions of power in law enforcement?  No, because despite the fact that in reality these women are rare, they're shown in equal numbers on TV, so we no longer find it unexpected.

Continue reading "Building on-ramps is a slow process" »

August 12, 2007

Underworking but wanting a wife

Today's Sunday Globe had some interesting stories:

"The Underworked American" looks at a national survey that goes against the grain and says we're working less than before.  It points out that we do less housework, and therefore have more free time.  The article does point out some of the study's inherent flaws.  Most importantly, that it's difficult to interpret data that covers all socioeconomic groups.  For example, if you break it down, men and women who have college degrees have NOT seen an increase in leisure time; the increase is more apparant the lower you go on the economic scale.   (and it's likely that this is due to unemployment not an active choice to watch more TV --- yes, that is the number one way we fill our leisure time).

In fact, the study does not account for the fact that there was in increase in the number of men and women working more than 50 hours per week (individually) and couples who work more than 100 hours weekly.  Also, maybe I missed it, but I didn't see any mention of the increase of "commuting" time and whether they classified that as work or leisure.  (I'd lobby for the former.)  With affordable housing being further and further from urban areas, my guess is that we spend a lot more time just trying to get to and from work. (Although this might be offset by those of us who work from home - hence the problem with far-reaching surveys.)

Then there's the short piece in the business section about how working women really want a "wife."   This article brings up the old conundrum that being married helps a man's career but can hinder a woman's.  While this is nothing new, I thought the quote by Kim Ganedy, president of NOW, was quite telling:  "The real challenge is, companies expect you to perform as if someone is at home taking care of everything for you." 

Setting aside the unique issues married working mothers face (like the 2003 study that found the 6:00 dinner crises was a major source of stress that even their single working mom colleagues didn't face), this is an issue for single people too.  We can't wait for the plumber and be at a client site at the same time. And when many of us don't live near our family, just how often can we impose on friends to help us drop our car off at the shop.  (Not to mention, we don't have a second car to use in the meantime.)

My takeaway from these articles:  In our diverse population, it's too hard to lump everyone together under a one size fits all study or survey.  So if the survey doesn't fit ... then don't wear it!

 

August 08, 2007

Women don't prosper in sushi economy

Think American corporations are unfair to women?  Check out this NY Times article about Japanese careerwomen making up only 10% of managerial positions (compared to US where women make up 42%).  If I didn't like sushi so much, that just might be depressing enough to make me want to boycott all things Japanese.  Thanks to Entrepreneur Business Blog for spotlighting this!

August 05, 2007

No middle ground for working moms and dads

The Seattle Times writes about the latest PEW Research Center survey out last month where women's desires to work part-time is not being met by the marketplace.  It's a short article but it does emphasize that for many women (and men) it's an all or nothing choice -- either an extreme job or an off-ramp.

July 08, 2007

The view from the other side

I had great fun meeting with Nataly Kogan the other day. She's the founder of www.workitmom.com, a great new site for working moms.  She caught me in one of my "non-custodial" vacation weeks (for those of you non-divorced types, this meant my son was on vacation with his dad), so while I was working non-stop, I was actually well-rested and slightly less frazzled than normal. 

She later sent me a post she wrote on her parenting blog, about how she envied me in my freedom.  Yes, I have to admit I do get some nights off, and in this case a whole week.   While I do have to cram all the work/biz travel that doesn't get done when my son is with me, which means time off is not always very relaxed, I do appreciate it.  Funny, there I was thinking how sweet and nice it would be to have a husband like hers who is totally supportive of her work and their life choices for how they are raising their child (I even got to meet hubby as he stopped by!).  Seems like the grass is always greener!

Re: the time off thing.  Not all single moms get time off, so I'm fortunate.  But, until recently I had no family in the area so my time off can be heartbreaking (holidays), involve extreme travel (California in less than 24 hours), or absolute physical breakdowns (I can't be sick when he's around, so it seems to strike on time off).  However, this week was a holiday, so I had minimal meetings (despite some major deadlines), and actually was well rested by the time I met up with Nataly!

However, I think even married parents need to take some time off from the kids, either separately or together.  We seem to live in an era of "extreme parenting," where parents' lives are subsumed by their children's.  Maybe we should have mandatory date nights and GNO's (Girl's Nights Out)?

 

June 10, 2007

Working Moms - the good and bad of asking other's opinions

When Amy Joyce of the Washington Post  wrote her final column before taking maternity leave she asked for people's opinions about whether or not she should return to work.  Brave girl.  Not surprisingly, she received at least 100 emails and one can't tell if those that she ran were in fact representative of the whole.  But, it was interesting - the two opinions who lambasted her were both males.  One was a stay at home dad, who did make a valid point that it's a parental choice, not a woman's choice.  And the second one accused her of being selfish for thinking about her career and not her child. 

"I read your column 'What to Expect' to see if you are any different than any other work-obsessed mothers I've known. You are not. Your story is all about YOU. Not a mention of your child and his/her needs," wrote Kevin Lamarque, a 43-year-old Falls Church father of two children. "You will go back to work soon after giving birth, then spend the next 10 years justifying to your friends and colleagues how 'day care' is the best thing for your child. You will spend weekends trying to do 'special' things out of guilt to make up to your child the time you did not spend with him/her."

Whoa, Kevin, had a bad experience with a working mom or something?  Maybe he missed the part that the child isn't even born yet, so who knows what she will decide. 

However, what was refreshing was that almost every one of the other opinions were from women who emphasized it's an individual choice (if you even have a choice) and to do what's best for her and her family.  This one was my favorite:

But as Valerie Young, advocacy coordinator with the National Association of Mothers' Centers, told me: "Every other person's opinion is irrelevant. Interesting, maybe, but irrelevant."

 

June 06, 2007

Making Good Choices

Now, I don't often agree with Linda Hirshman's heavy-handed approach that women should never choose flexible employment or to stay at home with children (or to care for elderly parents).  I think that sacrifices the children and others who need care in a culture where we have not yet developed adequate resources to accommodate this (i.e. schools are still tied to schedules developed when we were a country of farmers); and we're also in an era of extreme employment where more and more employees are required to travel and work more than a 40 hour workweek.

But, the more I read books like Courtney E. Martin's Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters and Laura Sessions Stepp's Unhooked, I wonder if the not so great choices some young women are making in their personal and professional lives may be in rebellion against their moms, who they watched try to do it all in a culture that was wholly unsupportive of them.   

This is why I think Linda's recent advice to college grads in the Washington Post was well done - it lays it all out on the table.  Because even if you make a choice that is not what someone else would choose for you, at least you are making an informed choice (and trust me, making informed choices, even if they don't always work out the way you want them too, helps you sleep better at night).

The situation in the first year out of college is bad enough [in reference to the AAUW study], but the decisions women make in college set in motion a process that will accelerate until, 10 years after graduating, they are making only 69 percent of what men make. That's because, if women earn less from the outset, it's an easy choice as to who will bear the responsibility for child care and housekeeping when the time comes to start a family.

I have noticed a change in that I'm seeing more stay at home dads even in my Stepford-like small town.  I'm also seeing young couples actually have discussions as to whose career goes first.  That's huge progress.  However, in the current climate, women need to ALWAYS go first when it comes to career, because in most cases they honor the agreement and step back. In situations when it's reversed, the men tend to excel quickly and it stops making economic sense for them to step back, even if they wanted to. 

June 02, 2007

Moms Rising up against Workplace Discrimination

From the MomsRising blog:

Petition to support Ruth Ginsberg's dissent from Supreme Court decision about time limits on workplace discrimination.

THE LOWDOWN ON THE ISSUE & PETITION LINK: The Supreme Court just told Lilly Ledbetter, a 60-year old "fiery mother of two," that even though, for years, she was paid between 15% and 40% less than her male counterparts on the management team (a fact she learned late in her 19 year career), she could not make a claim of workplace discrimination.  Why couldn't she make a claim?  Lily Ledbetter learned about the pay discrepancies too late. The court ruled that claims must be made within 180 days after the pay is set.   But how many of us know what our co-workers make? In fact, it's illegal to ask in many states.

Justice Ruth Ginsburg wrote the dissenting opinion for the 5-to-4 decision, and in it she asked Congress to overturn the ruling and clarify the intent of the law.  Several Congressional leaders are already stepping forward to counter this outrage by drafting new fair-minded legislation.  Let's get behind them so they can pass this legislation immediately. 

SIGN THE PETITION & PASS IT ON:  Tell Congress, "We Need Equal Pay for Equal Work--it is good law, make it enforceable!": http://www.democracyinaction.org/dia/organizationsORG/momsrising/signUp.jsp?key=2302&t=petition.dwt

Sign the petition and then pass it on to friends so we can build support for the Congressional leaders who are stepping forward to right this wrong.  Frankly, they need our help--because as the Washington Post reports, business groups, such as the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, are applauding this dangerous, short-sighted ruling.

Continue reading "Moms Rising up against Workplace Discrimination" »

May 13, 2007

A proposal: Align school days with work

In today's Boston Globe, E.J. Graff questions why we still let schools get out at 2:30 pm when the workday goes until 5 pm (o.k., theoretically 5 pm, we all know that that's only for part-time workers).

Consider the bizarre mismatch between our 21st century's 24-7 workday and our schools' 19th-century agrarian schedules. Why are children still let out of schools at 2:30 p.m. to milk the cows, when their parents' jobs don't end until 5 p.m. or later? In 2006, only 1.6 percent of American workers were down on the farm, and yet schools still follow that vestigial schedule. As a result, millions of American working families are forced to patch together afterschool care plans, one by one.

If parents are well off, they shell out big bucks for au pairs, nannies, enrichment programs, or -- even in high-end districts like Newton or Wellesley -- send their children to private schools with family-friendly afternoon schedules. Some lower-income families work tag-team schedules, so that someone's always at home, even if that consigns the parents to a mere virtual marriage. Other women take "mothers' hours" jobs that pay less than "regular" jobs, as if the need to care for children were a private disability rather than a demand facing 75 percent of American workers at some phase in their working lives.

May 11, 2007

Not a glass ceiling, but a mommy wall

It's almost Mother's Day and Ellen Goodman discusses the bias against "moms" in the office.

Here's a Mother's Day card from a study just published by Shelley Correll in the American Journal of Sociology. Correll performed an experiment to see if there was a motherhood penalty in the job market. She and her colleagues at Cornell University created an ideal job applicant with a successful track record, an uninterrupted work history, a boffo resume, the whole deal.

Then they tucked a little telltale factoid into some of the resumes with a tip-off about mom-ness. It described her as an officer in a parent-teacher association. And -- zap -- she was mommified.

Moms were seen as less competent and committed. Moms were half as likely to be hired as childless women or men with or without kids. Moms were offered $11,000 less in starting pay than non-moms. And, just for good measure, they were also judged more harshly for tardiness.

It reminds me of a passage in that hilarious book, I Don't Know How She Does It by Allison Pearson, where the harried mom has managed to get the kids to school, fake bake a pie for the school event, and make it to the office on time only to be chastised for being distracted, while her male colleague announces he leaving early to do something with his kids, and everyone smiles and says "awwwww, isn't he sweet."  I admit, for a funny book, that scene brought me to tears.

May 09, 2007

Putting an end to the Mommy Wars

Well, we may not be able to do anything about ending the war in Iraq, but let's support the women like E.J. Graff of Brandeis University's Schuster Institute for Investigative Journalism whose research and articles are attempting to put an end to the Mommy Wars. 

Last week, she wrote The Mommy War Machine in the Washington Post.  She was also kind enough to post my comments on the Brandeis Website (which are included below):

  • Great article. Why buy a book on Mommy Wars, when 95% of businesswomen don't even think (or care) that there is a war going on? I'm the CEO of the Downtown Women's Club and I have brand new survey results that support your article about the lack of interest in the "Mommy Wars."  Our survey of 650 businesswomen asked what they thought of the "Mommy Wars". The top answers:
    1. I really wish women would stop fighting each other and instead work together.
    2. I don't like the term "Mommy Wars" and don't see a war between the two
    3. My schedule is too busy for me to even meet stay-at-home moms, let alone have a war with them
    4. I don't have kids so not really aware there is a Mommy War
    5. I resent the advocates for stay at home moms who are on the road hawking books while nannies raise their children.

    Last on the list? Only 2% stated that stay at home moms make them feel inadequate.
    --Diane K. Danielson
    Cohasset, Massachusetts

April 26, 2007

Mommy Book Wars

Perhaps we should just forget about the "Mommy Wars" as it's now become the "Mommy Book Wars."  This morning Motoko Rich of the New York Times fired the first salvo with her article about Mommy Books creating controversy but not book sales.  Then, Leslie Bennetts, author of the "Feminine Mistake," responds on the Huffington Post, claiming that Rich left out some pertinent sales figures, and brings to light the New York Times' often controversial stance on working women's issues.

And to add to the fun, Linda Hirshman, the author of “Get to Work: A Manifesto for Women of the World," also had an op-ed piece also in the New York Times this morning.

Should we care if women leave the work force? Yes, because participation in public life allows women to use their talents and to powerfully affect society. And once they leave, they usually cannot regain the income or status they had. The Center for Work-Life Policy, a research organization founded by Sylvia Ann Hewlett of Columbia, found that women lose an average of 18 percent of their earning power when they temporarily leave the work force. Women in business sectors lose 28 percent.

And despite the happy talk of “on ramps” back in, only 40 percent of even high-powered professionals get back to full-time work at all.

That the most educated have opted out the most should raise questions about how our society allocates scarce educational resources. The next generation of girls will have a greatly reduced pool of role models.

So, we have two issues going on here:  (1) the fact that these Mommy Books create bitter controversy on certain blogs and talk shows, and while they may appear on best seller lists from time to time, there's never been another "Feminine Mystique;" and (2) the never ending "opting out" issue.  I'm not sure I can shed any light on these issues, but I have a few thoughts that I didn't see covered.

  • With regard to the books, our new Generationally Speaking survey (.pdf) demonstrated that 95% of women were either not interested or felt that they were not affected by the Mommy Wars.  (So why buy a book on the topic?)
  • With regard to opting out, our survey also found that this was an irrelevant issue for the majority of working women.  And, that most women "opt differently," not "out." 
  • Hirshman also notes that the majority of women who opt out are married to wealthy men.  But one factor not discussed is the fact that the numbers of millionaires are growing at a pace quicker than the number of people in the world. So, now we have a lot more "haves" in the world, then ever before, and it's a trend for millionaires (many of whom read the NY Times).  But perhaps the better comparison would be "whether millionaires' wives are opting out of the workforce in greater numbers than the millionaires' wives who came before them?"  Or is it just that the proportion is the same, it's the overall numbers of millionaires' wives that has increased.
  • O.k., enough about millionaires, can we write about the other 99% of the world? Or at least new trends, like some I'm seeing:
    • that single people in the office are getting a bit annoyed at having to "pick up the slack" for working parents.   
    • And, Gen Y asking does "life" in the term "Work/Life" have to mean "kids"? 
    • Or how about the fact that I live in a very small, very traditional town, yet I've already met 4 dads who are the main caretakers of their kids. 

April 24, 2007

New Generational Survey Released

Today, the Downtown Women's Club is releasing it's latest survey on the generations.  The following are some of the key findings and conclusions. 

Download GenerationallySpeaking.pdf (full survey).

Introduction

In March 2007, DowntownWomensClub.com, a women’s network and career website, surveyed 650+ businesswomen across three generations about some of the issues facing women in the workplace.  We then compared the responses from the three generations – Generation Y, Generation X and Baby Boomers.

Key Findings

  • Less than 2% of women in our survey are contemplating opting out permanently from the workplace.  Moreover, less than 10% even plan to opt out for a few years. All three generations are in agreement in their top three responses:
    • Women earned the right to choose
    • Most women don’t opt “out;” they opt “differently”
    • Corporations are too inflexible.
  • The idea of “Mommy Wars” does not fit the reality that most working moms do not have schedules that allow them to even meet stay at home moms. 
    • Only 2% of working moms feel inadequate when compared to stay at home moms.
    • But, we are seeing an emerging trend that women without kids are disgruntled over having to pick up the slack for working parents.
  • Despite recent studies that the gender gap starts in the first year of college, and increases for college graduates, many women still do not recognize this.
  • The majority of all generations believe that overt discrimination has been reduced, yet subtle discrimination still persists, and it’s more evident at the higher levels.
  • When asked to give advice to the other generations:
    • The Generation X and Y women’s advice centered around having the Boomers change their attitudes (i.e. stop labeling them as slackers, expecting them to fight their same battles, or resenting them for making different choices), as well as building bridges, mentoring and learning technology.
    • Interestingly, nearly 40% of the Boomers would not recommend that the younger women follow their path.  Despite their reluctance to mentor, they also gave much of the practical advice that the younger women are seeking from mentors.

Conclusions

  1. When it comes to the top women’s issues, the generations are mostly in agreement.
  2. The majority of all generations feel that the media-driven “trends” like opting out and mommy wars do not reflect reality.
  3. The majority of women, especially in the younger generations, do not recognize that there is a gender gap.
  4. There is a clear communication problem across the generations.

March 27, 2007

More bad news for daycare moms

I grimaced before reading yet another story about how I ruined my kid by putting him in daycare.  But, at least this one sugarcoats the fact that daycare kids are more disruptive with the finding that daycare kids have better vocabularies.  I supposed I should be relieved that my kid can talk his way out of any trouble he gets himself into.  I can deal with that.

But I don't think we as a country can continue hiding our heads in the sand when:

  • It's not realistic to be middle class on a single income.
  • Corporate America is continuing to increase the workday (when did 9 to 5 start sounding like a part-time job?), but not the available childcare options.
  • Daycare salaries haven't matched rising costs of living which leads to increased turnover, which the NYTimes article mentions may have been an immeasurable factor affecting the outcome.
  • Most schools don't match hours with the workweek, which means that many daycare kids are also in after school programs (the study didn't seem to mention if that was a factor).

So, we can  keep blaming the moms, many of whom don't have much choice in the matter (see earlier post on the Opting Out myth).  Or, we can explore the effects government subsidies would have on retaining daycare employees.  Personally, I prefer the proactive approach rather than sitting around placing blame.

March 22, 2007

Enough with the opting out already!

E.J. Graff's post on TPM Cafe about The Opt Out Myth needs to be read in it's entirety by any journalist who insists on writing anything more about the "opt out" trend.  Some of the highlights from her article that you won't read about elsewhere:

  • Only 4% of women in the US population fit the demographics of the original "opt out" article, yet because publishers and journalists belong to this class - it's spotlighted as a trend.
  • "opt-out stories invariably focus on women in one particular situation: after they have ‘opted out’ but before any of them divorce."
  • "Census numbers show no increase in mothers exiting the work force, and according to Heather Boushey, the maternity leaves women do take have gotten shorter.'
  • "In one experiment, Correll and her colleagues asked participants to rate a management consultant. Everyone got a profile of an equally qualified consultant—except that the consultant was variously described as a woman with children, a woman without children, a man with children, and a man without children. When the consultant was a “mother,” she was rated as less competent, less committed, less suitable for hiring, promotion, or training, and was offered a lower starting salary than the other three."
  • "Here’s what feminism hasn’t yet changed: the American idea of mothering is left over from the 1950s, that odd moment in history when America’s unrivaled economic power enabled a single breadwinner to support an entire family. Fifty years later we still have the idea that a mother, and not a father, should be available to her child at every moment."
  • "Why can’t twenty-first century school schedules match the twenty-first century workday?"

March 20, 2007

Self-induced Mommy Guilt?

Special thanks to all the eagle eyes out there for sending in this latest "Mommy Guilt" piece from the Washington Post about the increased hours today's working moms spend with their kids (yes, you read that right!  We're feeling guilty even though we're spending MORE time focused on our kids than our stay at home mothers!)

According to a University of Maryland study, today's mothers spend more hours focused on their children than their own mothers did 40 years ago, often imagined as the golden era of June Cleaver, television's ever-cheerful, cookie-baking mom.

In 1965, mothers spent 10.2 hours a week tending primarily to their children -- feeding them, reading with them or playing games, for example -- according to the study's analysis of detailed time diaries kept by thousands of Americans. That number dipped in the 1970s and 1980s, rose in the 1990s and now is higher than ever, at nearly 14.1 hours a week.

This is especially striking because it is at odds with how today's mothers view their own lives: Roughly half of those interviewed said they did not have enough time with their children.

This actually doesn't surprise me, and the article mentions some of the following factors:

  • Scheduled activities are way up which entails a lot of chauffeuring around (but is this really over-scheduling or a necessity due to safety issues?).
  • Working moms don't have random face time during the day (i.e. being in the house with the kids all day, but not necessarily interacting with them), so they overcompensate at off hours with "in their face" time.

One thing they didn't mention was that the schools seem to ask for much more parental involvement than when I was growing up.  Maybe this is adding to the guilt?  But on the flip side could all this "in their face" time, be why we're turning out kids who are never taught that they are NOT the center of the universe.   

So, where is this extra time coming from?  Turns out women are cutting out housework, sleep and their own personal time.   The good news - the men are having more face-time with their kids, too.  Now, if we could just get them to help with the housework!

February 19, 2007

Standing up for the working mom

DWC member, Lena West, sent in this goody by Lisa Kogan in Oprah which represents some of the issues we've been uncovering in our recent survey about what the different generations of businesswomen think about some of the major issues facing women in the workplace.

Now, I'd gladly leave it at that, but I can't very well talk about the village it takes to raise Julia without talking about the e-mail that came across my desk yesterday. Yo